just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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