everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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