Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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