I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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