I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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