So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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