well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
