that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
