I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
