you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
