everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
