and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
