Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
