my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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