Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
