If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
