I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
