Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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