Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
