Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
