we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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