theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
