I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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