it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
