we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
