and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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