Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
