i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
