i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
