I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
