I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
