wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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