Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
