is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
