The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
