just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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