She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
