Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sober January is a disaster.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dear god my vagina.
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