for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
