dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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