so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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