he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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