Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
