It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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