i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
