it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
