I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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