I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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