You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize