the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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