haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Duck Duck Cougar?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
