Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
