she looked like the before picture.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
