He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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