May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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