i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
