tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
