I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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