So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
