i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love having hate sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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