And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
