would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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