i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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