I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
