i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Someone signed my nipple.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
