hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
