Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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